Find Him before you find him!

Dear all,

Good Morning, I hope the start to your week has been fulfilling; wishing you an even more fruitful week ahead! I must apologise for not posting last night and not getting round to posting or replying the comments. It was a busy day but I will get round to it this evening; please bear with me! For those, who’ve sent emails, I will respond this evening.

This topic has been on my mind for quite a while but I’ve decided to finally put “pen to paper”! Many a time, I listen to Pastors who say they are so happy they found God before they married because they were able to make their choice of a spouse very wisely!

At one of our meetings in Church, we were asked to state what we were thankful for and my boss said she was thankful that she broke up a past relationship and married her husband; today they are happily married with two kids. She said, had she married the other man, today they would probably be divorced. I’ve also spoken to people who have been in long term relationships but now want to end them because they have “outgrown” their partners.

What I am trying to say is, when you meet someone as an unbeliever or baby Christian, that person may be perfect for you. You may both like smoking, you both enjoy sleep overs, going clubbing or whatever it may be! The minute you become born again, the person’s persona no longer appeals to you. It doesn’t fit in with you. For example, many couples meet while at University; they may be studying the same course and believe they are perfect for each other then but when they graduate and get into the real world, they may start to notice some challenges.

I pray to God that you will all find and know God before you get married. If you are in the world and marry a man you like and he’s a successful drug dealer, the minute you become born again, you will no longer want to be tied to him. The minute you discover your purpose and vision for life, while he is still engrossed in drugs and all kinds of sinful acts, you will feel sick! I pray you will never regret the choices you make.

This is why I say to many single Christians not to be upset that they are not yet married. God loves you and kept you! He wanted you to know Him first, so you would know the right things to look for and pick the right partner! AMEN! Sometimes two unsaved people marry and they both get saved; that is divine favour! Many a time, it doesn’t happen like that! Now that you are still single, thank God! Genuinely thank Him that you didn’t get involved in any useless or catastrophic marriage before you found Him. Thank Him that every destructive relationship you were in is over.

I however, need to address a group of people! You are in a relationship right now but when you met your partner, you didn’t know God. However, you’ve recently found Him and want a relationship with Him. Your partner is holding you back. They haven’t given their life to Christ and aren’t ready to submit to His authority or stop the sinful things you do. If you have tried introducing that person to God without any success, God wants you to break up that relationship. I tell you it is better to have a broken relationship or engagement than a broken marriage! Please, ask God to grant you the grace to walk away! He will grant you strength! Amen! You can pray for the person to find God even whilst broken up but you need to cut all ties! Believe me; God has better things in store for you! Don’t let a wrong or sinful relationship interfere with your greatness! You will be healed, restored and God will send you better! Amen!

I would now like to address the married! Some of you got married as unbelievers but now you know God but your spouse is still unsaved! You feel weary, sad, regretful, unhappy! Your spouse may be very unreceptive to Christ, he may be involved in adultery. Go to your God on your knees and thank Him for your salvation, thank Him for your life, thank Him for your spouse and your home! Do not be worried, do not be depressed! Tell God what you need! You need His convincing, converting and convicting spirit to change your spouse! Whatever you do, keep serving God! Never miss Sunday or midweek service, serve in Church! Give God your all! Don’t stop loving your spouse; if you are a woman, submit to him. Show him the love of Christ, speak over his life! Even when he sleeps, pray over him, anoint him. Walk around your house anointing the whole house and praying for him. Pray fervent and consistent prayers! Speak about God! No matter how reckless he may be, keep loving and forgiving! He will wonder why and how you became so compassionate! If you practise your Christianity faithfully, it becomes contagious! Believe me! The same God that saved you will also save him. AMEN!!

I hope this has blessed someone, I hope this message will bring restoration to homes and end every wrong appointment and relationship. To the singles, you will never regret your choice of a spouse. AMEN! May the Lord give us the wisdom to choose rightly, the thirst to pursue Him and the power to love. AMEN. Have a wonderful and blessed day. God bless you all.

I am sorry I can’t marry you!

Good evening all,

Hoping you had a great Sunday; I certainly did! Wishing you a great and prosperous week ahead! Don’t forget God as you go about your week. God bless!

As you all know, one of my favourite Pastors is Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo; senior Pastor of David’s Christian Centre and Love, dating & Marriage! He has been an absolute inspiration and blessing to me and thousands of others! Whenever, I have the opportunity, I share his message with others!

I was listening to a sermon he preached, titled “I am sorry I cannot marry you”. I would like to share that with you today. It may not be what you think but is based on some of the discriminatory criteria people use to end relationships; I pray it will bless you. Amen. Don’t end a relationship based on any of these.

1- My partner has a child

There is nothing wrong with marrying someone who has a child from a previous relationship. A lot of women even hide their children from their partners as a result. We are of the Kingdom and shouldn’t be influenced by such things. Okay? Many people believe that a girl who has a child is loose, that is not true! These people will gladly marry someone who’s done three abortions than someone who has one child! Don’t use her past against her; just because she has physical evidence of intercourse! Don’t judge someone based on their past, take a spiritual perspective. Judge them by what they are doing today. Have they changed their attitude? Also ensure that they are no longer intimately involved with the parent of the child.

2- Virginity

This works both ways! Some Christians say they cannot marry a virgin because they wont be good in bed. God expects you to learn! They didn’t give birth to you knowing how to type or drive, you learned! You can learn to have sex!

Others also say they cant marry someone who isn’t a virgin! Why? That is a narrow mindset! Virginity does not guarantee virtue! Look out for the person’s character not their virginity! That is a canal mind; it doesn’t guarantee anything.

3 My partner has badly behaved parents

Some people refuse to marry someone because of what their parents did! This is terrible! You can’t let someone suffer for another man’s sin; it is not scriptural! If the person isn’t living the kind of life their parent is living don’t judge them based on this! Some people say, “her mother is so desperate and flamboyant”. That is a great discovery; don’t marry the girl’s mother! Marry the girl! Don’t punish someone because of their parent’s sin. What you need to do is check if they are carrying on the behaviour! For example, people say don’t marry someone from a broken home! Why not check their mindset, do they believe in divorce? I’m not saying you should ignore such a fact! If the person has a lineage of broken marriages, watch out to see if she has adopted the mindset, if not, then go ahead! But if she breaks up with you at every given opportunity, there may be a problem indeed.

Jeremiah 31:29-30

Ezekiel 18:1-4

If God does not accredit sins to the sinner’s child, who are you to do that?

4 My partner is an “outcast” or from a different country/tribe.

This is mainly within African families. For example, within the Igbo tribe of Nigeria, in those days people were out casted for something they did; they were tagged as “Osu”.  It’s been going on for generations. If you call someone an “osu”, may the Lord not judge you unfairly! The spirit of discrimination is a tactic of the devil. Never call someone an outcast; because you will be partaking in his work.  We are all of Adam, as such we are outcasts, but we are redeemed by the blood of Jesus. When we give our lives to Christ, we are now of the Kindred of Israel, no human being is better than another! Marrying someone from the same country, tribe or even village is no determinant of the success of marriage! There are good and bad people from every tribe!

Galatians 3:28- There is neither Jew nor Gentile, slave or free, male and female. For you are all one in Christ Jesus.

5 My partner is from a less privileged background

A lot of intending couples are asked to break up relationships because their partner’s family may not be so well to do! That is absolute pride! We hear people say “You want to marry this man, what lineage is he from? What dynasty” That is utter pride!

James 2:1-9

Don’t let that be a basis for your decision! Be not a respecter of persons! Love people for who they are not what they have.

6 My partner is a widow

If someone was married before and their spouse died, it is okay to marry the person! If the person is a good Christian or good believer, you can marry them.

7 My partner is divorced

Yes, God hates divorce but in 1 Corinthians 7, He explains that if you got married as an unbeliever and then find God and your spouse wants to leave you as a result, they are free to go and you are free to remarry. If your spouse committs adultery and leaves, you are no longer bound. In these two cases, you are free to marry the divorced person. Amen.

8 My Pastor said I can’t marry someone called “John” or “Rose”

Some people think Pastors are just well dressed native doctors!

The Bible says as many are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God- Romans 8:14

In the Old Testament, people needed prophets because they weren’t gifted with the Spirit of God then. It was only the Prophets or the Kings that had the spirit of God but now, we all have the spirit of God! We are meant to be led by Him. Stop taking names to Prophets to ask if you should marry them. Don’t do that! You don’t know what the Prophet does in his spare time. Don’t be led by men. Your life is too precious to be led by a man! Stop using prophecies to discriminate against people; you talk to God yourself.

9 Parental disapproval

Many people use this as grounds for discrimination. Don’t get me wrong; honour your parents! On what grounds is your parent telling you not to marry. It is good to do what your parents are saying but if it is not in line with the Word of God, please don’t do it!

Genesis 2:24- Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

10 Educational qualifications

I can’t marry him because he is not a graduate! Please look at Forbes list and count how many billionaires are not graduates; so many! Don’t put unnecessary priority where it isn’t shouldn’t be. Will you say, “I wont marry Bill Gates because he’s not a graduate” What about Michael Dell or Mark Zuckerberg! They are all happily married billionaires! You have no case! What about Jesus Christ, he was a carpenter! Don’t get me wrong, education is great but wisdom is even greater!

11 Physical disabilities

“He limps, he has a withered arm”. This is very unfair! If you like someone, irrespective of their disability, go ahead and marry them and don’t let anyone discourage you! Some parents stop their children from marrying albinos! This is wrong!

I hope this has blessed someone! I pray none of us will discriminate based on these criteria; neither shall we be discriminated against. Amen. God bless you all!

Courtship…What is it? How do I do it right?

Good day all,

I must address the issue of courtship because I understand that many of us though unmarried are presently in courtship and may be looking to apply the proper procedure for it! Before, you go into courtship, please read this first

For men- http://www.princessofzion.wordpress.com/2012/07/09/this-is-for-the-men-so-im-ready-to-find-a-wife-what-now-10-qualities-to-look-for/

Women- http://www.princessofzion.wordpress.com/2012/07/09/i-am-ready-i-am-looking-for-a-husband-but-do-you-really-know-what-to-look-for/

You need to be ready for marriage already i.e emotionally, spiritually, financially and so on. You and your partner must both be saved and you should have spent sometime getting to know them as friends! When you get to know someone as a friend, you know their true colours and their true personality, you then can make an informed decision on whether or not you would like to court them. Courtship is not dating and should not involve any physical intimacy.

What is courtship?

It is the period in a couple’s relationship which precedes their engagement and marriage, or establishment of an agreed relationship of a more enduring kind. In courtship, a couple get to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement or other such agreement.

Christianity

I emphasized “committed” because you would expect to see their commitment to Christ worked out in their daily life. [2 Cor 6:14; They should be eager to know more of God, enjoy going to church, enjoy serving others and generally be a faithful and diligent member of their church and community. Most importantly of all, your partner must be willing to address their faults and work them out with God and their leaders. [Pr. 3:11-12; Pr. 1:5-7; Rom. 13:1-5; Lk. 7:6-10] .

Prayer

Spend the time praying together and praying for one another! ALWAYS pray for God to lead the two of you during the courtship and once you’re sure you are headed for marriage, decide and agree when you are getting married and prepare towards it. PRAY PRAY PRAY!! Attend marriage seminars and classes together, read Christian books, medicate on the Bible’s promises and guidelines for marriage and vow to do as it says! Attend pre-marital counselling! Many couples get carried away with the wedding planning and do not prepare for the marriage. The wedding lasts only a few hours but the marriage lasts a lifetime. If you spend six months planning a wedding of only a few hours, you definitely need to put in a lot of time and effort to prepare for the marriage!

Friendship

You should cultivate a great friendship with your partner. You should have been friends before the courtship, spent time getting to know one another before deciding to court. But even whilst courting, a lot of time should be spent nurturing and building a solid, genuine and loving friendship. Long after you’re married, it’s that friendship and communion that will continue to breed closeness between the two of you. So, developing an intimate and genuine friendship during courtship and ever building on it, is a great way to forge ahead. Some people stay best friends for seventy years no matter the trials that they went through, it is that same unique friendship that lasts forever that you should build. So, even after the looks are gone and the fun and excitement dies down, you have an amazing bond and friendship. Amen.

Duration 

Courtships should ideally not linger for too long. Most things in life depend on quality and NOT quantity! The point of courtship is to reach the end point which is marriage! Courtship in itself is not an end! When a married couple decides to have a baby, they come together, the woman gets pregnant and then she delivers a baby! The pregnancy is not the end objective but the means to it! She knows she will be there for 9 months and is given a due date, some ladies deliver prematurely, while some go slightly over their due date! Note my use of the word-slightly! You need to define the courtship; how long is it for? You must both decide on a time frame; many men and women get detained in courtship for two, three, twelve years and by this time, they feel “bound”. Don’t put yourself in such a situation. Get to know each other very well! It doesn’t have to take several years, it could take months; it’s the quality not the quantity; how well and not how long! Many Churches  encourage the singles not to linger in courtship for too long, it can delay marriage, lead to sin and cause confusion! Be very prayerful and concerted in your period of knowing each other and make wise decisions! The Reedemed Christian Church of God advises that couples should court for a minimum of six months before marriage and a maximum of two years. They say even the two years is an absolute maximum, for example for excruciating reasons (This is why I say you shouldn’t enter into courtship until you are absolutely ready for marriage). As such, you do not need to waste time in courtship, except for getting to know each other. So, the RCCG advises between 6months and 2years; preferably 6months to a year! As long as you are both genuinely born again, spirit filled, God led Christians and you followed God’s direction, you wouldn’t need five years to make the decision.

Dowry

In Jewish culture, both parties had a dowry. Today, this would mean that a husband could probably buy a house whilst his wife could probably furnish it (full amount of three years wages each). [Romans 13:7-8] The responsibility for the wife’s dowry lay with her father, ie. it was his blessing on their marriage.

The concept of dowry has been (fairly, IMHO) extended to include character. This means that, just as getting married with a huge financial debt over your head is unwise, so is getting married with a huge emotional debt over your head. Issues such as unforgiveness, bitterness, abuse and lust need to be addressed before marriage. Otherwise marriage might merely be the result of people trying to fulfill these needs in a partner instead of God.

Sex

The aim of courtship is to go into marriage; God is the author of marriage! Honour Him and Him alone in your courtship! That means, the two of you should keep yourselves Holy- No fornication, petting or kissing! Many people in courtship practise sleepovers, holidaying together and what not! Those are adventures reserved for marriage; they can lead to intimacy and sin! When you get married, you will have a permanent sleepover and lot of holidays; God willing. But if the courtship doesn’t work out, you may regret selling yourself short.

A lot of Christians today still practise fornication and ask- How can we be in a relationship without being intimate? That is the way God wants it- before marriage, you are meant to get to know each other, spend time preparing for marriage and getting accustomed to one another! You don’t get intimate with your best friend, do you? It is meant to be the same until you get married! When you fornicate, you push God out of your relationship and open the doors of lust, infatuation, selfish desires and distrust! A lot of couples today don’t trust one another because during courtship, they broke God’s trust! If you honour God’s word and do not fall into sin, you are sure that your partner fears and obeys God and you can trust them to be faithful to you after marriage.

Observe

Courtship is the period to watch out, observe and relate with one another! If there are any issues, deal with them before marriage! This is the time to decide what the vision of your marriage is, where you want to live, what your plans are, if you will be a  house wife or a career woman and so on.

Balance

Don’t get carried away in courtship; don’t neglect your home, job, career business, service or family during courtship! There should be a balance! Becoming too clingy may distort your judgement and put off your partner! There are also things that should be reserved for marriage; although it is nice for your partner to eat a meal if he comes to visit your home, women shouldn’t specifically dedicate their time to cleaning and cooking for their partner! This is the duty of a wife; though you should demonstrate your domestic and wifely qualities, you need to limit them to marriage! Men, courtship also is not the time to be jealous or controlling; neither is marriage!

Parents/family

The parents would have close relationships with their respective children. Based on God’s leading, the parents, together with the children, initiate the courtship process. Once both children commit to this process, they are “betrothed.” In their cross-family relationships, they should have already addressed all “compatability issues” before this phase of the couple’s relationship ever began. This is a particularly critical foundation to a sound marriage — having won the family’s trust and support, there is a clear avenue of future advice and encouragement in times of trouble. All too often, parents are forced to side in a problem against the spouse, rather than in support for the marriage. A strong, mutual commitment to each other’s success as Godly men provides an established positive advocacy.

Pastors

A three fold cord is not easily broken (Ecclesiastes 4:12). Involve God in your relationship but also involve his representatives here on earth i.e your Pastors. You need to have a Pastor presiding over your relationship, one who can counsel the two of you, encourage you, show you where you’ve gone wrong, advise you and reveal things to you which you don’t know. So, cultivate a great relationship with your Pastor even before this and introduce your partner to your Pastor at once and ask them to pray along with you. If your partner refuses to meet your Pastor, you should be careful, anybody who runs away from counsel, usually is dangerous. But if the person has good and genuine intentions; they will be more than willing to meet with your Pastor.

I hope this will bring peace, joy, prosperity and breakthrough to many courtships in the house and they will successfully end up in marriage and for those of you still single, don’t worry! God loves you so much, He has kept you so you acquire all the Biblical knowledge and tools you need to succeed in your courtship and marriage! This is your season of divine announcement, celebration and decoration! AMEN! Your marital status is changing, get ready!

God bless you all.

“I am ready! I am looking for a husband”…..But do you really know what to look for?

I think I should address this issue because, firstly as you all know, I am passionate about all things God and marriage but most importantly, Christ filled marriages. But secondly, 95% of the prayer requests are from women seeking their husbands. So, I believe this is an issue we must address. Also, I speak to a lot of people everyday; both in and out of Church and it seems they don’t know what they should look for. Guess what? If you don’t know, you won’t find. Is that agreed?

Firstly, I would like to say that before venturing out to measure someone up, why not look inwards first? A lot of us women have a long list of what we want in a man but even though we mean well, shall we assume that a men also have their lists? So, one of the first things I will say is- work on yourself because even if you do find the kind of man you would like to marry, he has to ask you (I hope we all know ladies should NOT propose). So, you must also have developed yourself; in character- are you respectful, respectful, polite, kind, patient, merciful and nice? Are you dresses appropriately and not like a call girl or a granny? A lot of women get it wrong here; you want to attract a man, so you go baring all, you can’t attract a good Christian man like that, they’ll flee! What you’ll get is a “dog”. Others want to show men they are serious christians and go overboard by dressing like a granny from the 60s. Please ladies! Remember, he has to like the exterior before he goes to investigate the interior.. PACKAGING! So, please keep a neat appearance, be nice and approachable, no need to frown! Wear your hair nicely and dress appropriately but fashionably!! Also spend your single days developing yourself, taking up a degree, getting a job and aiming high in your job. Men like intelligent women who can hold their own. Is it a business you want to start? Go ahead! Please, don’t remain a baby Christian. Get involved in Church, you can’t miss a Sunday or midweek service. Delve deeper, join a department, start a ministry, spend time knowing God; remember when choosing a husband. You also need to hear from God and you can’t be family with a voice you never heard! Get yourself ready and equipped by attending marriage seminars and investing in resources! To get the best, you also need to be the best!!

Now, what to look for. 

1- The most important decision you’ve ever made in your life was giving your life to Christ! Don’t take that decision lightly! The first thing you need to look out for in a man is Christ! Yes, he must be a Christian. The Bible even ascertains this in 2 Corinthians 6:14-16

¹⁴ Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

¹⁵ And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?

¹⁶ And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.

 

It is simple! No matter how nice or wonderful someone is, if they don’t have Christ reigning in their life, please don’t marry them or attempt to start a courtship with them. Remember that the heart of man is desperately wicked (Jeremiah 17:9). Not our fault but since we were conceived (Psalms 51:5); it is in our flesh. The only thing that can guarantee that your husband will not kill you at night or go into infidelity is the spirit of God! I am sure you have seen/heard many wicked, unfortunate and occultic things that occur in marriage. Save yourself the trouble and marry a genuinely born again man who is filled with the spirit of God. 

How do I recognise a born again person you may ask? There’s an old saying- real recognise real! After spending ten minutes with someone, I can usually ascertain whether they are atheist, a luke warm Christian, a Church goer, a religious person or a genuinely born again person. 

Not every person that goes to Church is born again. I work in a Church but on weekdays and on Sundays and I can tell you that! It’s not a cliche; it’s a fact! Not every person in the choir is a born again! Please beware! I met a “born again” man that is an usher in his Church, never misses a prayer meeting neither does he miss any Christian conferences or seminars, yet when we spoke, he explained that his previous girlfriend was a Pastor’s daughter and they were fornicating regularly. This is just an example. In some Churches, well known fraudstars attend services every Sunday and even give large tithes. Please don’t judge a Christian by their attendance or level of participation. You be a born again and you should be able to judge. AMEN. 

 

2- Maturity

Physical-Age is nothing but a number, yes we’ve heard it but I don’t think a boy of 19 should really be thinking about marriage. Though I know some men get married as young as 24 and some of them are extremely mature even more so than their counterparts who are 35. But, let’s be reasonable. The legal age for marriage is 18, yes! But, even at that age many people haven’t developed the right relationship with God, it takes time to develop maturity in all other areas and most times, that comes with time and experience. 

 

Mental-This is not a measure of age but how developed a person’s thinking is. How responsible are they for their actions? Can they make decisions on their own or do they wait for their mother? Is he capable of planning? When you are married, you will be faced with a lot of decisions, bills and things to deal with..Can he cope with them? Is he a responsible person or an impulsive man?

 

Financial- If a man does not have a job, I don’t think he should be thinking about marriage just yet. Remember that marriage was God’s idea; and before He mentioned a help meet for Adam, He gave Adam the job of manning the Garden (Genesis 2:15). If a man has no job or income and you marry him and get pregnant, who will pay the medical bills? And when the triplets arrive, who will pay school fees? Please, even if he doesn’t have a great job, look at him and examine his potential? Maybe he has the potential to start his own business once God provides the capital. Don;t marry someone who is still receiving pocket money, don’t even attempt to court them. Also look at the way they keep their finances, does he pay his tithes faithfully? Does he save a fraction of his money? Does he pay his rent/bills on time or does he spend his money at once? These are things to consider.

 

Spiritual- One of the most important things you need to know is their level of spiritual maturity. What is his attendance at Church like? Can he miss Church for a football game? NO! You need a man who is in Church every Sunday and even at midweeks services. Does he serve in Church? Even if he’s not a regular worker, does he volunteer his time at Church? A man that serves God faithfully will most likely render the same service to you. Does he pay his tithes and sow into the Kingdom? Please NEVER court or marry a man who doesn’t! He will be stingy! But marry a faithful tither and enter into a world of fruitfulness, God will never let his pockets go dry and a man that tithes faithful even when things are bad, will also be faithful and honest to you. AMEN. When things are good, does he accredit God and testify? When things are bad, does he turn to alcohol and nigh clubs or to God and Church. Does he attend a Bible study? Does he read His Bible daily and have a devotional. Does he encourage you with scriptures or ask you to pray with him? Is he thirsty for God’s word? Attending seminars, buying CDs and books? 

 

3- His view on marriage.

Is marriage an optional thing for him? Marry someone who is passionate about marriage and for the right reasons. What is his take on divorce and infidelity. Don’t get involved with someone who takes divorce lightly and thinks cheating is pleasant or part of marriage. Marry someone who treats marriage as sacred and pure. What does he think about courtship? Is that time for fornication? A man that wants to take you before marriage has NO respect for God or for you and after marriage, he will also take what doesn’t belong to him. Premarital sex is now a societal norm but we are not of this world. We are children of Zion, ladies you are princesses of Zion! Don’t let any man sleep with you before marriage, even after the engagement! Please! If you do things right, you will make it to the altar; then you can kiss and do all you want but NOT before. Kissing is fornication, Keep yourself pure and get his view on this. Go for a man that accepts the Biblical rules about this. AMEN. Courtship is the tim to know one another and to attend relationship/marriage seminar together. AMEN. Not for intercourse. Please.

 

4- Character

Look for character in a man; is he responsible? Patient, is he kind. Don’t go for someone who loses his temper easily or someone who is always fighting or gossiping. How does he handle bad news? What does he do when things don’t go his way? Is he easily angered or jealous? Is he a loving and caring person? Does he treat people with respect? How does he treat the cleaners or drivers? He has to love you as Christ loved the Church (Ephesians 5:25), someone that doesn’t love the people around him, can’t love you. 

 

5- Vision

Look for a man with a clear vision for his life and for his family. Every organisation has a clear mission statement. Look for a man with vision and direction. Someone who knows where he’s going, so you too can follow suit. Remember your role is to submit, please make it easy by marrying a man that you can easily submit to (Ephesians 5:22-23).

 

²² Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

²³ For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

You can see that God himself commanded it to be so. Ensure you look for a man you can easily submit to. Not an aimless irresponsible person that you would find yourself trying to control. That was not God’s plan. 

5- Compatibility

I’ve said this before, you can’t marry every Christian. Some Christians go to Church everyday; some twice a week. Some Christians don’t allow women to wear earrings, some even the men wear earrings. Some Christians don’t allow TV in their home, others love to attend fashion shows and music events. Everybody is different. There won’t be 100% compatibility between yourself and your spouse but are you compatible. You don’t have to like the same things, neither do you have to like everything about your spouse but are you compatible? Do you get along? Do you see yourselves living together? Do you balance each other out. Don’t look for someone exactly like you. E.g if both of you love shopping, you may spend school fees on clothes or if you both love talking, who will listen? Go for somebody whose character you like; especially in comparison to theirs and do you feel comfortable with them? 

6- Attraction

Marriage is for life! Marriage is about forgiving, loving and friendship but remember that you will live with that person forever and the Bible has even said that person owns your body (1 Corinthians 7:3-5); whenever they want it you will have to give it to him. A person’s looks shouldn’t be the only thing you look out for but, be pleasantly attracted to them. While, you shouldn’t have a long list of attributes he must have, ask yourself, am I happy to wake up to this face for the rest of my life? Is this the man I want to kiss on my wedding day? Make sure you are happy and proud of your choice.

³ Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.

⁴ The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.

⁵ Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

There’s so much more, but in order to keep in short and sweet, i’ll stop there!! The important thing to remember that no man is perfect and you may have had a long list of attributes previously, but focus on the things that matter; not his looks, his car or his educational qualifications. The important things are his standing with Christ, his character, maturity and your compatibility. I hope this helps and as you look for the right things, God will direct the right partners to you. AMEN