Yes I know, I finally got to you. Pardon me! I will try to make the wait worth it. :-D.
If that’s what you want me to co-sign, you had better move right along.
The first thing I need to say, just like I did with the women is to ask you to develop yourselves. Working in a Church and attending many marriage seminars has enabled me to meet a lot of men who want to get married, many of whom I say are eligible, while many are vey far from it. Brothers, I hope you know you can’t attract a diamond, if you yourself have not been developed. Most times, you attract what you are. So, first of all, develop yourself into that person you want. Find Christ, find a Bible believing Church, develop a great relationship with Christ. Start to spend time in Church, seminars and in places where Godly women congregate. Take a cue from Abraham’s servant when looking for Isaac’s wife (Genesis 24:11). You are looking for a beautiful woman, but you are sagging your trousers, we can see your underwear, some of you haven’t cut your hair in three months, others don’t even brush their teeth. Cleanliness is next to godliness. Don’t dress like a thug, you want to be a husband; neither should you dress like an amish father. Please dress decent, age appropriate and modern. Look clean and responsible. Have a job, get yourself together. You want a wife but you have no income, you are living in your mum’s house. Even if, once the wife arrives, please have a place ready to move into. Stop spending money on video games, start saving money, start investing in books and CDs on marriage, start acting responsible. Start working hard at your job, venture out and start your business. Be a great Christian man and your great Christian woman will follow suit! Remember,you too have to be ready for the blessing otherwise, God may not be forthcoming.
Now, what to look for.
1- The most important decision you’ve ever made in your life was giving your life to Christ! Don’t take that decision lightly! The first thing you need to look out for in a woman is Christ! Yes, she must be a Christian. The Bible even ascertains this in 2 Corinthians 6:14-16
14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
15 And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?
16 And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.
It is simple! No matter how nice or wonderful someone is, if they don’t have Christ reigning in their life, please don’t marry them or attempt to start a courtship with them. Remember that the heart of man is desperately wicked (Jeremiah 17:9). Not our fault but since we were conceived (Psalms 51:5); it is in our flesh. The only thing that can guarantee that your wife will not kill you at night or go into infidelity is the spirit of God! I am sure you have seen/heard many wicked, unfortunate and occultic things that occur in marriage. Save yourself the trouble and marry a genuinely born again woman who is filled with the spirit of God.
How do I recognise a born again person you may ask? There’s an old saying- real recognise real! After spending ten minutes with someone, I can usually ascertain whether they are atheist, a luke warm Christian, a Church goer, a religious person or a genuinely born again person.
Not every person that goes to Church is born again. I work in a Church but on weekdays and on Sundays and I can tell you that! It’s not a cliche; it’s a fact! Not every person in the choir is a born again! Please beware! Many wayward women specifically go to Church to meet men, meanwhile they have not given their life to Christ. A lot of people believe that it is only men that cheat; don’t be fooled! Pastor K normally says that 90% of the women he counsels have been involved in adultery. So, be sure of the woman you are marrying.
Women tend to mature faster than men; as a biological fact. So, a woman may be five years younger than you but ver mature. However, here are things to consider.
Physical- She shouldn’t be too young, at least she should have finished her education and be sensible and mature enough to make the decision of marrying on her own.
Mental- Is she ready for marriage or is she still tied to her parent’s hips? Many women, though in their late twenties and thirties are very attached to their home? Please look out for a lady that knows that when she gets married, she is leaving her family to start a new family. Not one who will complain of being home sick or will report every single matter to her mother. You need someone who is ready for marriage and to start her own family and someone who is aware of her role as a wife.
Spiritual- A man is the spiritual head of the family, but he needs an equally mature help meet to support him in his work. Don’t marry a baby christian, who would want to go to Church once a week, someone who thinks the bible is a cake for special occasions. You need a woman who knows how to cry to God, a woman who even when you are not in the mood, will wake you up and get all the kids ready for Church. A woman who knows no matter the schedule, she needs to pray with her husband and kids everyday. Life has its ups and downs, you need a woman who fears and respects God enough to know that whatever you are going through as a family, she needs to be there, armoured with her Bible and prayers. Many women turn to adultery when their husbands can no longer provide. Get a woman who knows God and knows her place in the home. AMEN.
I will put this lightly because I know there are many women who are stay-at-home mums whilst many are corporate mums. However, in this recession, many families see both parents working to support the family. I pray it will be a matter of MUST for you. AMEN. Even if, you decide you want your wife to stay at home, when you meet her, she shouldn’t be practising to stay at home, she must at least be busy doing something. You need a woman who is hardworking and can multi task, even as a stay at home mother. See that she is busy, is she a worker at her Church? Does she have a job she goes to everyday? Does she go to University? What is she committed to?
This is a character trait but a very important one. Is she a wise person? Does she make rational decisions based on well played out thoughts or is she impulsive? Does she have the wisdom to raise Children in the Godly manner? Does she have the wisdom to run a home when you’re not around, can she take care of the bills? God forbid, a lot of men and women start this journey of marriage together but somewhere along the line, the man goes to meet his maker and the woman is left to take care of the children by herself. Can the woman do that? Will she have the initiative to use the finances accordingly and to save when it’s necessary? Will she be able to find a job or start a business if necessary?
Morals are very important for both men and women but remember that the wife will be doing the child bearing and a lot of the training and raising. It will surprise you what many women teach their children; especially the female children. One of the purposes of marriage is for you to raise Godly seed from your union (Malachi 2:15). Where does she draw her morals from? is it from the Bible? Her culture? From music videos or what her traditional worshipping parents taught her? Ascertain this before you go ahead.
6- Domestic/maternal instincts
As your help meet, your wife will support you in a lot of things. Home making, cooking, cleaning, laundry, raising children, entertaining guests and family. Is she a homely person? Or she prefers to be out every minute, she loves take away? In order to cut costs and eat healthy and maintain a good home. You should look out for a woman who is domestic, someone who can clean, keep and maintain a home, one who can cook meals for yourself and the children. Someone, who even if you’re not around, can entertain your family, cook for them, clear up after them and make them feel at home. Also look out for how she keeps her home, her car, her appearance and environment? Is she neat or very dirty? How does she relate to her nieces or younger siblings, is she patient, kind and motherly? Or is she brash, ill-mannered and inconsiderate around them?
7- Her view on marriage?
Does she agree that marriage is for life and divorce is not an option? Look out for someone who recognises respects and practises Biblical principles. Someone who knows she must submit to you and someone who recognises that she is your help-meet, someone who knows that you are in it together. Pick out a woman that has a good view on marriage and a good self esteem; someone who is happy to get married and not being forced into it; neither someone who is desperate or one with unreasonably high expectations.
I love this quote…”A woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him to find her”. AMEN. If you want a blissful marriage, marry right! Marry a Godly woman with character. One who doesn’t compromise, one who is loving, obedient, calm, soft tempered. Not one who would disrespect you and not submit. Go for a woman who is well mannered, respectful, kind, caring, hospitable. One who is filled with the spirit and the fruits of the spirit are very evident in her. Please, don’t go for a woman who is desperate or one who proposes to you; she is not a true woman of God. Neither should you look out for women who offer their bodies to men. A woman may have a past, yes! Don’t hold that against her but her present demeanour should be decent. A woman who is willing to fornicate with you before marriage is cheap; after marriage she may be an adulteress. Go for a wise woman, wise enough to know that she is your help meet, you are the head and she is there to submit to you and respect you. AMEN.
Please don’t look at a woman who dresses like a jezebel, or one who frequents bear parlours. A woman who bares it all isn’t a woman of virtue. Go for a neat looking clean woman who dresses with self esteem but decency. Do not be overridden by her physical appearance but be attracted to her because she will be the only woman you can be with till you die or till Jesus comes. Remember, divorce and adultery are out of the questions. Why not go for one that you love and are happy with. AMEN.
You know what you are like! If you have bad qualities, please work on them before she comes but look out for somebody to complement you. You don’t have to be 100% similar or opposites to attract, just look out for someone with enough similar interests with you to engage the two of you and some differences, in which you can be each other’s strengths and helping hand. AMEN.
No two people are 100% compatible not even identical twins. You will always have some level of difference and no one is perfect, but look out for the important things, whilst waiting develop yourself and always pray to God to better you and to give you direction. AMEN.