Men and infidelity

My name is John; I’m a retired banker, loving husband, great father; or so I thought! I had a relatively privileged childhood, I grew up as the last of three children, dad was a lawyer,he provided for us and we went on holiday every year. He always gave mum birthday and valentines presents but he had mistresses outside the home. Mum didn’t mind; she said it was normal and a man will always be a man and as long as he provided for the family, it was okay. I grew up with that analogy, as long as I provided for the family, gave my wife birthday and valentines presents, it didn’t matter how many mistresses I had. At the age of 29, I met Linda, a beautiful composed woman, I thought she would make a great wife; I was almost 30 and needed to settle down.

So, I popped the question and she said yes! A year after the marriage, we had our first child; Isaac! After this, she became very tired, sluggish and more attentive to the baby than me! Being honest, I had always had women out of the home but after Isaac, this became more rampant, I spent my nights with them and didn’t really care what she thought anymore! Two years after Isaac, we had our daughter, Nora; she was the sweetest most beautiful thing ever! Life was good, I provided for them, but I was never faithful; I’m not sure if they knew but I didn’t care! After all, even my mother said that a man will always be a man! Surely, they had to accept this! Both kids went off to Uni; Isaac graduated, became a successful corporate lawyer like his grandfather while Nora got married shortly after her graduation. Six years after getting married, Nora had a beautiful a daughter- Mary but shortly after she was born, Mary kept developing infections, day after day was spent in hospital and she eventually died at just seventeen months; it was an extremely trying time for the whole family but wee encouraged Nora to try for another baby. 

When the results of baby Mary’s Autopsy finally got released, Nora came crying to us and revealed something that rocked our world forever! The Autopsy revealed that the string of infections that baby Mary had been battling with were as a result of HIV. How could this happen? Nora’s husband had been cheating on her and passed the disease on to her! While she was pregnant, the virus wasn’t transmitted to the foetus which is why it was never detected. It was only when Nora began breast feeding that she passed it onto their daughter! The infection after infection was because of the HIV but it went undetected; it was only after the autopsy that the Doctors realised what the problem was! They then tested Nora and found out she had the virus; she was devastated but not only that, she had also contracted Chlamydia which was left undetected and untreated for so long. The situation had become so bad that she was now infertile, as such her only hope of trying for another baby had been shattered.

I got angry at her husband; why would he cheat on her? Nora was so beautiful, hardworking, faithful, a great wife! Why? How could he do this to my daughter? The only answer that came was- So was my wife; yet it didn’t stop be from being unfaithful to her! I asked Nora if she knew her husband had been cheating and she said yes and I asked why she hadn’t confronted him and she said “I thought that men would always be men; as long as he provided for the family”. I felt sick to my stomach, because of the stupid and weak example I had set, my daughter grew up thinking adultery was normal and accepted this; today she is living with HIV, she is infertile, lost her only child and is now in the middle of a bitter divorce. I never even said those words to her but she learned by my own example! How could I have done this? If I could, I would go back in time and have treated their mother with all the respect she deserved and never cheated on her. I wish I had taught my daughter to wait for the right man who wold be faithful. 


Good Afternoon everyone,

I hope that fictional story got your attention and you’re ready to hear from God! The issue of men and infidelity is so huge that I will have to cover this in stages. That will be the series for this week, I will address the single men, the single women the married women and the married men. I will address one group per day! Please stay tuned for the whole series, I pray it will bless you.

However, to start if off, men, I am specifically talking to you today! I pray that the grace and uncommon wisdom of God will be passed to you all by virtue of this message! In Jesus’ Name. Amen. Bear in mind that I do know and fully acknowledge that women cheat but today I want to address the men. Just go to google and type “all men” and the third thing that comes up is- “cheat”. Men, I come to you in the Name of the most high God asking you and pleading with you to stop the cheating! Why?


For God

Hebrews 13:4– Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery

Exodus 20:14– You must not commit adultery.

God hates adultery so much that it is even one of the ten commandments! It is the 7th commandment. Please forget everything you have been told, adultery is not God’s plan. Please honour God and the institution of marriage by being faithful to your spouse.

For yourself
Many men think committing adultery, having several women makes them important, makes them victorious but it doesn’t; believe me! Adultery only wastes away your resources, time and energy! You put yourself at risk spiritually, physically and sexually. If you have any respect for yourself, you would be faithful to your wife; there is nothing more attractive than a good looking man who loves, cherishes and is faithful to his wife! But a man with several mistresses is very unattractive and irritating! What about sexually transmitted diseases? Have you seen the statistics on STDs, I dare you to look at them.  When you commit adultery, you are stepping outside God’s will for you and you will encounter several problems; even the Bible says so. You may not notice immediately but when you stop the sin and are fully committed to God, you will notice a great change in your life.

Malachi 2:14– You cry out, “Why doesn’t the Lord accept my worship?” I’ll tell you why! Because the Lord witnessed the vows you and your wife made when you were young. But you have been unfaithful to her, though she remained your faithful partner, the wife of your marriage vows.

Proverbs 6:32– But the man who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he destroys himself.

Hebrews 13:4– Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.

Corinthians 6:9– Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind.


For your wife

What has your wife done to deserve this? I hope you also know that most wives know when their husbands are unfaithful; many may just choose to ignore. Women are very intuitive humans and we sense things; most of the time, your wife will know and even if she doesn’t, why are you hurting her? You are damaging a woman’s self esteem and confidence when you do this to her. What about the risks you expose her to sexually? If you married her, I am sure you loved her and thought she would be a great wife, so why not be a great husband?


Your children

The best gift you can give your children is to love their mother, cherish her, respect her and be faithful to her! By so doing, you show your children love and give them a great childhood. Believe me, children also notice when their parents are distant and unfaithful to each other! They learn such behaviours, accept and imitate! Your sons will most likely do the same to their own wives and your daughters will accept similar behaviour from their partners and husbands. As a psychologist, I will tell you that most of a child’s behaviour is learned from their parents; even in animals.

I bought a dog in 2002, she had puppies in 2004; we gave all but one out. So, we had the female dog and her puppy who was male. Unfortunately, the mother died after only a few months, so all we had was her puppy. As you know, male dogs lift up their leg to pee, while the female crouch down to do it; that is natural behaviour. We soon began to notice that he would crouch down to pee, he always did this. Male dogs don’t naturally do this but he had learned this by watching his mother. Another thing his mother did which was useful was she never peed or poo’d in the house or around, she only did it in the garden and in that short space of time, her puppy had learned that behaviour too. Six years on, he still did those things exactly as his mother had done. It’s the same for your children. Don’t teach them that adultery is okay because it isn’t; you will be teaching them to sin and to accept sin. Also, don’t endanger the lives of your children; especially when your wife is still child bearing, any disease you contract can potentially be passed on to your wife and then children. Even if that doesn’t happen, if you teach them to accept cheating behaviour and they go on to exhibit it, they are putting theirselves at risk by having several sexual partners. What about your daughter? What if she marries a cheat just like Nora and contracts an STD, becomes infertile because of what she learned from you? Please don’t ruin their future even before it starts.


Time to change

If you are a man who has been involved in marital infidelity, please give your life to Christ today! Surrender your life to Him and ask Him to reign supreme! Admit your faults and ask Him to forgive you for all your sin, rededicate your life to Him. Go to your wife and tell her how deeply sorry you are and how you now realise the pain you’ve caused her; ask for her forgiveness and pray together. Make a vow to the Lord that your past adultery is history and you are ready to make changes in your life! Cut off all ties with your former mistresses; no matter who they are! Ask the Holy Spirit to reign in your life and to control you. Begin to attend Church every Sunday and midweek with your wife and children. You should be honest with yourself and your wife about the reason for your infidelity- please be honest.


Genesis 2:25– And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

They were both naked refers to physical, emotional, spiritual, financial nakedness and openness; in other words, within the covenant of marriage, you both need to be open. Your reason maybe silly- for example boredom or it may be that your wife gained a lot of weight and you were no longer attracted to her. Whatever it is, deal with it! If you were bored, cheating is not the answer, why not spice things up? Go away on romantic getaways, why not do things differently in the bedroom? If your wife has gained a significant amount of weight, why not tell her how much you love and appreciate her but you don’t want her to be unhealthy and as such, you would like the two of you to take on a much more healthy lifestyle, why not go for a run together and cook her some healthy meals? You can buy a cook book and learn to cook healthy together. If it’s her dress sense that has become frumpy, why not take her shopping for a new wardrobe. Whatever it is, you know there is a solution; put it into action!
Proverbs 27:17- Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.
The two of you should also begin to pray together daily and read your Bible together! Make up for all the lost time and join your Church’s ministry for married couples where you can meet other Christian couples; who will encourage you. There will be Scriptural advise on how to keep your marriage strong and lots of activities for the two of you to get involved with.

Proverbs 22:6– Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Many people ask what they can do for the Kingdom? Apart from the gift/vision God has given you, why not make it a point of duty to teach every child of yours that adultery is unacceptable! Teach them that marriage is honourable and should be kept holy and undefiled! Why not teach your sons how to treat women, and never to keep two women at the same time. Teach your daughters that not all mean cheat, as such they should never accept that sort of treatment. Teach them to wait for a Prince of Zion who would love them and be faithful to them! If you successfully impart these lessons even to just your children, you have done something great for the Kingdom. By God’s Grace, they will go on to act in accordance with that and will show/teach their children to do the same and you will cause a generational miracle and blessing to come upon all your descendants. Amen.
I hope this has blessed someone and given a man the strength and the grace to repent from his former acts of adultery and given faith and grace to to others to stay faithful to their wives! Father, by this message, bring healing, restoration to homes and marriages!  Thank You Lord in Jesus’ Name! May the Lord bless, keep, strengthen, uphold, prosper and inspire you all! Have a great day and see you tomorrow when I will be dressing a different group of people, still on the issue of “men and infidelity”.

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Filed under Finding "Mr. Right", Finding "Mrs. Right", Keeping my marriage alive, Marriage/Courtship, Singles, Waiting on my future spouse

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